Pear-Shaped
by Impossible Oswin
Summary: Things have gone a bit pear-shaped and it's up to Rose to help fix them. Flirty!Rose, clueless!Ten. Oneshot.


**Things have gone a bit pear-shaped and it's up to Rose to help fix them. Flirty!Rose, clueless!Ten. Oneshot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. I don't even own a creative disclaimer.**

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><p><em>Everything tasted of pears.<em>

Spaghetti, bananas, bubblegum, strawberry shampoo - no matter what the Doctor ate, his mouth burst into flames with the atrocious explosion of putrid, petrifying, pear-flavored foulness.

It had been this way ever since they'd vacationed to Calypso's Island, a spectacular touring spot in the Frambilian Galaxy - or so the brochure had said. In reality, their shuttle had dropped them off with a, "see you in three weeks!" at a tiny, deserted island with a single hotel and a two-headed man running a lemonade stand.

And the island delicacy? You guessed it - pears. Gross, horrifying, abhorrent pears. Every meal had contained, comprised of, or completely just _was, _pears. Every. Single. Meal.

So now here he was, back at home in the T.A.R.D.I.S., and that lingering sensation of _pear flavor _refused to budge from his tongue.

"Nope." Pause. "Nope." Pause. "Nope." Pause. "Nope, nope, nopety nope nope never not a no."

Rose rested her head on a hand at the edge of the table as the Doctor moved about, licking this and that.

"Nope." Lick. "Gross." Lick. "Bullocks." Lick. "Now that's just disgusting."

She giggled. "You know, there's better things you could be trying with that mouth of yours right now." _Like kissing me, _she added silently.

"Like what? Anything to rid me of this - ew - pear taste."

Rose sighed. Clueless. "Like vanilla custard. It's good."

"I'll be the judge of that." There was a silence as he took a spoonful of the yellow pudding. "Nope. Nopety nope nope. Pear taste definitely not gone."

The blonde companion stood up with a sigh and walked around the table as her friend flopped down into a chair in defeat. "I give up. It's all I can taste. I'll never eat again."

"Now, I checked," she muttered softly, peering at the ingredients on the side of the box. "Definitely doesn't contain pears of any sort. Maybe if we, I dunno, held hands or something, it'd distract you and your taste buds'd stop working." _Did I just say that out loud?_

"You're right!" Rose jumped as the Timelord shot to his feet. "And if I can rework my genetic makeup and remove my tastebuds altogether, no more pear taste!" He paused. "Then again, the receptors in my fungiform papillae have gone a bit wibbly altogether; I might just succeed never being able to _stop _tasting pear. And we can't have that, can we?"

_Is there anything we _can _have? _Rose blinked. "That's not... Really... what I meant."

The Doctor sat down once more, surveying the splay of different foods spread before him before picking up a fish finger and examining it absentmindedly. "Yes, and that'd mean no more nibbles. I love nibbles."

_That's one thing 'nibbles' have got over me. _

"I hate pears," he declared matter-of-factedly, blinking up at Rose.

_For someone so picky, he's really quite attractive_. _I could always put my new strawberry lipgloss to use, just lean down right now and -_

"-PEARS," the Doctor interjected Rose's stream of thought as he stirred the custard with the fishstick distractedly, "are an abomination on society. Tried to get them made illegal in 1788 in the States. I gave some solid arguments, too. Unfortunately George liked pears. It was cherries he had a real problem with..."

He trailed off and gestured vaguely in the air with the custard-coated fish finger. "Shame. Good man, he was. Good ol' George."

The Doctor grinned at Rose for a moment before popping the fishstick into his mouth without thinking.

Her mouth fell open in silent laughter as the Doctor convulsed, eyes bulging. He ran to the sink, spitting the mess down the drain.

Unable to contain her giggles, Rose grabbed her suffering friend a cup and filled it with water. "Now I really wanna know how _that _was. That'd have been disgusting even without the pear taste."

"I'm never going to an island again," the Doctor muttered as he squeezed yet another slab of toothpaste onto his toothbrush. He grumbled to himself as he stuck the brush under the faucet before stabbing it into his mouth. "Pear-flavored toothepaste."

"Come on, then." Rose giggled from her watching position at the edge of the bathroom. "It wasn't _that _terrible."

The Timelord shook his head as he continued to scrub away. "Memmy flagha fay."

"Sorry?"

"Hih feyy," he paused to spit, "Easy for you to say. You actually_ like_ pears. Tell me, Rose, what good could _ever _come from eating a pear?" Taking a swig from a nearby cup, the Doctor swished his cheeks back and forth and emptied the contents of his mouth into the sink.

He began to re-apply the paste to his toothbrush as his friend rolled her eyes. The last of the Timelords grumbled to himself once more as he raised the brush, only to be interrupted by Rose's hand as she appeared beside him.

The Doctor stared down at her hand atop his own for a moment before slowly lowering the toothbrush onto the counter.

"I think nine good brushes is enough, yeah?" She raised an eyebrow, blushing slightly as the edge of his thumb trailed her little finger.

The Doctor looked back up at his companion. "Pears. I dunno if you know how terrible this taste is."

"Maybe I should find out."

"Maybe you should."

"Maybe I will." Their faces were close, now, nose to nose. Rose's heartrate sped and she began to close her ey-

"-Here."

Rose's eyes snapped open and she glanced down at the Doctor's other hand. "What's that?"

"It's... Well, it's a pear. You said you wanted to try one."

"Where did you even get that?"

The Doctor gestured at the fruit bowl.

"Why is there a fruit bowl in the bathroom?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"You know what? Never mind that." Rose took the pear and grinned before sweeping the surprised Timelord into a kiss.

Stunned at her own actions, the companion pulled away and brushed a hair out of her eyes. It was silent for a moment.

"So - "

" - I -"

They both began simultaneously before stopping just as abruptly.

Rose cleared her throat awkwardly. "So, how was that, then? Pears?

The Doctor paused, licking his lips for a moment. "Strawberries," he muttered, nodding slightly.

"Strawberries?"

He nodded more decisively. "Yeah. Definitely strawberries. I know a pear when I taste one, and _that _was certainly not a pear."

"Great - good. Good, then. Good to know I'm not a pear."

"Was it something I said?"

"Sorry?"

"That... What'd I say?"

"Oh... I... I don't really know. I just, sorta, went for it, I guess. The custard thing was, um, cute."

"Hm." The Doctor grinned. "Remind me to eat fish fingers and custard more often."

But he wouldn't. Not for awhile, at least. Not until he really needed it.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! See that lil button below? The rectangle right there? Why don't you click it and tell me your thoughts? <strong>

**- Impossible Oswin**


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